Learning How to Parent Adults

when I had kids, Nobody told me that I would be raising an adult much less 3 of them(my oldest is missing in this photo).

My Youngest Kids (girl will be 17, boy will be 20) kitchen table antics

I am the proud mother of 3 beautiful, intelligent, loving, strong willed children aged 29 1/2, 20 and 17. this mothering thing has been the most challenging, yet rewarding thing I've ever done. see, I mistakenly thought that the raising and character shaping of these "gifts" that god gave to me would be all done once they turned 18. I secretly told god "Lord, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but sir you got jokes"! i quickly learned that I was as wrong as "3 left feet".

through trials and errors and the grace of god-almighty, I had to accept that the raising and mothering must change into a coaching role. in that coach role I encourage, I still let them know when they are off, but I advise only if asked. I'm there to listen and love on them, provide hugs, to let them cry on my shoulder or in my ear, you know the normal mom stuff that doesn't go away just because they are grown. that stuff, I still do. every now and then, I do slip up. my slip-ups occur when my husband are at our wits end because we have experienced repeated negative behavior which has had a big impact on our household or a financial mistake that I or my husband have ended up paying for when we least expected it. it's in those instances I return to full on mother role.

i'm learning that it's a delicate balancing act and it is especially challenging when your adult kids live with you, like mine do. there is no distance to act as a cushion. the mistakes are too close for comfort. You see them fail and it is heart wrenchingly uncomfortable to watch, as the ship sinks -- and you have to be a spectator. i think we've given them enough to survive outside of our home, but yet; due to their financial difficulties or mismanagement, they are still here with me and my husband. So, maybe we did not teach them well enough to live on their own? They clearly don't budget well - yet. sometimes, I don't know if it's intentional or not; because, we always provided a safety before they became adults? in any case, they are still learning. it did not stop because they turned 18, or 21, or 25, or sadly 29 1/2. We are teaching them financial responsibility by charging them rent(and demanding that they pay it) and by requiring that they pay for their own cell phones, gas, & car insurance. The other incidentals like food, internet, garbage, gas/electrical/water we included in their rent. So, they are almost adulting. Almost.